In this post I am replying to an article I saw published on Elephant Journal entitled: “Dear Men: if you answer YES to any of these questions, you may be the reason someone else says, Me, Too.”
I am not anti-feminist, in fact I am a strong supporter of women’s rights but too much is too much. Although I enjoyed reading the above mentioned article and found a lot of truth in it, I would like to point out where, in my opinion, this #MeToo movement is taking things too far.
Here’s my take on the author’s questions; both from personal experience, i.e., similar or same experiences that have happened to me, and from my point of view:
Below, the questions raised in the article and my answers to them:
” Have you ever touched a person without his/her express consent?”
Well, I’ve been touched many times without my consent but no big deal, usually a firm WTF ends the unwanted attention.
“Have you ever asked a woman why she wasn’t smiling or told her she’d look better if she smiled?”
OK, this happens a lot and I admit that it is extremely annoying — especially if one’s cat has just died — for it portraits the nasty stereotype that women should just smile and open their legs, no matter what. So Kudos Here to the author!
“Have you ever sent an unsolicited message commenting on a stranger’s looks?”
Very annoying but easily dismissed.
“Have you ever catcalled another person?”
Hello! I grew up in Italy. is this a joke? Daily, of course. It’s harmless and might even make one smile as she/he walks away.
“Have you ever made an inappropriate sexual joke?”
Better an inappropriate sexual joke than a racist, anti-Semitic one. Just don’t laugh — lest you find it funny — and look at the person with a long, blank stare instead.
“Have you ever shown your genitals to someone without their express request? This could be in person or by message. (If you’ve ever sent an unsolicited d*ck pic, this is you.)”
I was seventeen, it was late evening in Winter, I was walking down a very dark, narrow street in London when, pushed against a brick wall, really close to me, a guy opened his raincoat and flashed me. Bit of a shock but I walked on unharmed. Much worse that time in Italy when the same thing happened — albeit in broad day light — and the guy proceeded to show me what looked like — to my very quick glance — a cut-off penis on a piece of cardboard. Walked away more quickly than in the instance above and remained — to this day — rather puzzled but again nothing to keep me up at night.
“Have you ever flirted with or made sexual advances to a person who could be considered subordinate to you in a professional situation?”
Oh, please, of course they have. Most of them if they had a chance. Perhaps to the secretary with the fake boobs, the short skirt, high heels and fake lips? Plain Jane, I assume, was spared the un-wanted attention and the huge amount of work that it took to keep them at bay while keeping the job. I am not contradicting myself here. Let’s not forget that just as (most) women have an instinctive protective nature, (most) men have an instinctive urge to spread their semen to populate the World. Some things are just in the genes and it takes a very evolved person to correct that in themselves.
“Have you ever laughed at jokes about rape or assault?”
I guess things like Trump saying, “they want to be pussy-grabbed.” Bad taste is bad taste. Without action on intent it isn’t illegal.
“Have you ever put your hands on a man/woman without their permission while dancing in a club or bar?”
For real?! Does the author live in a Mormon community?!?!
“Have you ever had sex with a person who was inebriated and, therefore, incapable of providing consent?”
Well, if you have, that’s RAPE. (Finally a decent — no pun intended — question).
“Have you ever continued to touch someone who said no?”
Of course they have, sometimes it takes a bit more effort to push them away but, as long as the final result IS to push them away, again, not much harm done. Life’s a bitch; assertiveness is a daily constant, not just physically but — even more difficult to realize — emotionally too.
“Have you ever made repeated sexual advances to someone who has said no?”
Well then you are a resilient son of a bitch who, I hope, got punched in the nose and now feels like a total idiot – that you are – yet, if your “repeated” sexual advances were successfully aborted, there’s no legal case there either.
Why am I, a woman and a feminist writing this? Because I have had most of the experiences described above — and much, much worse — through the course of my life thus, I can make the difference between sexual harassment and idiocy.
Also, I am no celebrity looking for publicity (thank god), and I’m smart enough to acknowledge that if I walk around scantily dressed and acting provocatively I might be sending out “wrong” signals.
A final example. In my late teens, at a casting, the guy took me to his office and asked me to perform a fellatio on him. I told him he was disgusting, walked away an enrolled in university. Personal choices…
Let’s cut the average bloke some slack and concentrate on real sexual offenders, of which there are many, in varied, disgusting forms. Shall we?