In this post I am replying to an article I saw published on Elephant Journal entitled: “Dear Men: if you answer YES to any of these questions, you may be the reason someone else says, Me, Too.”
I am not anti-feminist, in fact I am a strong supporter of women’s rights but too much is too much. Although I enjoyed reading the above mentioned article and found a lot of truth in it, I would like to point out where, in my opinion, this #MeToo movement is taking things too far.
Here’s my take on the author’s questions; both from personal experience, i.e., similar or same experiences that have happened to me, and from my point of view:
Below, the questions raised in the article and my answers to them:
” Have you ever touched a person without his/her express consent?”
Well, I’ve been touched many times without my consent but no big deal, usually a firm WTF ends the unwanted attention.
“Have you ever asked a woman why she wasn’t smiling or told her she’d look better if she smiled?”
OK, this happens a lot and I admit that it is extremely annoying — especially if one’s cat has just died — for it portraits the nasty stereotype that women should just smile and open their legs, no matter what. So Kudos Here to the author!
“Have you ever sent an unsolicited message commenting on a stranger’s looks?”
Very annoying but easily dismissed.
“Have you ever catcalled another person?”
Hello! I grew up in Italy. is this a joke? Daily, of course. It’s harmless and might even make one smile as she/he walks away.
“Have you ever made an inappropriate sexual joke?”
Better an inappropriate sexual joke than a racist, anti-Semitic one. Just don’t laugh — lest you find it funny — and look at the person with a long, blank stare instead.
“Have you ever shown your genitals to someone without their express request? This could be in person or by message. (If you’ve ever sent an unsolicited d*ck pic, this is you.)”
I was seventeen, it was late evening in Winter, I was walking down a very dark, narrow street in London when, pushed against a brick wall, really close to me, a guy opened his raincoat and flashed me. Bit of a shock but I walked on unharmed. Much worse that time in Italy when the same thing happened — albeit in broad day light — and the guy proceeded to show me what looked like — to my very quick glance — a cut-off penis on a piece of cardboard. Walked away more quickly than in the instance above and remained — to this day — rather puzzled but again nothing to keep me up at night.
“Have you ever flirted with or made sexual advances to a person who could be considered subordinate to you in a professional situation?”
Oh, please, of course they have. Most of them if they had a chance. Perhaps to the secretary with the fake boobs, the short skirt, high heels and fake lips? Plain Jane, I assume, was spared the un-wanted attention and the huge amount of work that it took to keep them at bay while keeping the job. I am not contradicting myself here. Let’s not forget that just as (most) women have an instinctive protective nature, (most) men have an instinctive urge to spread their semen to populate the World. Some things are just in the genes and it takes a very evolved person to correct that in themselves.
“Have you ever laughed at jokes about rape or assault?”
I guess things like Trump saying, “they want to be pussy-grabbed.” Bad taste is bad taste. Without action on intent it isn’t illegal.
“Have you ever put your hands on a man/woman without their permission while dancing in a club or bar?”
For real?! Does the author live in a Mormon community?!?!
“Have you ever had sex with a person who was inebriated and, therefore, incapable of providing consent?”
Well, if you have, that’s RAPE. (Finally a decent — no pun intended — question).
“Have you ever continued to touch someone who said no?”
Of course they have, sometimes it takes a bit more effort to push them away but, as long as the final result IS to push them away, again, not much harm done. Life’s a bitch; assertiveness is a daily constant, not just physically but — even more difficult to realize — emotionally too.
“Have you ever made repeated sexual advances to someone who has said no?”
Well then you are a resilient son of a bitch who, I hope, got punched in the nose and now feels like a total idiot – that you are – yet, if your “repeated” sexual advances were successfully aborted, there’s no legal case there either.
Why am I, a woman and a feminist writing this? Because I have had most of the experiences described above — and much, much worse — through the course of my life thus, I can make the difference between sexual harassment and idiocy.
Also, I am no celebrity looking for publicity (thank god), and I’m smart enough to acknowledge that if I walk around scantily dressed and acting provocatively I might be sending out “wrong” signals.
A final example. In my late teens, at a casting, the guy took me to his office and asked me to perform a fellatio on him. I told him he was disgusting, walked away an enrolled in university. Personal choices…
Let’s cut the average bloke some slack and concentrate on real sexual offenders, of which there are many, in varied, disgusting forms. Shall we?
My dear friend,
Thank you for your letter and my most sincere condolences for the loss of your friend.
All you say is very true and well, indeed.
As someone who’s tried it twice in the last year – and God only knows how the Hell I am still alive – well, what I wanted to say is that sometimes it’s just too much; and yes, someone could have tried harder; how could I do this to those who love me and I have responsibilities towards and all the rest but, in the end, it makes no difference because the truth is that, sometimes – please note that this is a daily struggle, often a few times a day too; a struggle with a life we don’t want to keep on living and the survival instinct that makes us say: “Maybe, tomorrow.” – it’s just too much and all we long for is the peace we know and remember being our true selves. And then it happens: an enormous calm enters one’s body and mind and without further ado one commits the act. No thoughts whatsoever, just an automatic response in an almost dream-like state.
I’m not going to add how the decision then happens for I don’t want to put ideas in anyone’s mind. I stop here.
Blessings to you all and to the ones you have lost.
WOH…Don’t you throw your negative energy at me!
l’m neither a psychologist nor a psychiatric (who must be immune to it or else are not superficial and selfish arseholes).
l’ll only talk bullshit as, you see, l’ve been brain-washed by Compulsive Positive Thinking (CPT), which–by the way– goes a long way to keep lay people in their places to the benefit of those in power.
In fact, in this Fear-Based Society, be scared, be very scared of the smallest negative thought for its consequences will be but certain catastrophe.
I can vouch for this by the multitude of people who are living horrible lives thanks to my negative opinions of them. If only…
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for mindfulness but all within limits.
Imagine, if you will, someone like Mother Theresa telling the leprechauns she dedicated her life work to, to stop whining; to stop suffering; that their negative thinking had caused their illnesses.Yeah, maybe, perhaps…who knows for sure.
But the real question is: Where is your heart? your compassion? your empathy?
Countless other examples could be made which would mean nothing unless one was walking in the other person’s shoes in this dualist world we ALL live in.
Brilliant and inspiring piece, everyone should read, by the lovely Ms Lisa Colburn 🙂
There has been a common theme lately with folks that I have been encountering, either in my personal life or with my healing work. After taking a few weeks off article writing, unsure of where to go next with things, this topic jumped out to me and I knew right away it was something that needed to be discussed. As an intuitive and empath, I can feel the energy of the collective, which is very different than an individual energy. Many people can feel this energy and are tuned in, but do not realize it is far greater than just their own feelings. It is far more powerful and the vibration feels like it literally extends through the entire earth and into our core, connecting is to all souls and the Universe. This often happens when many people begin to feel similarly, at the same time or are dealing with…
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As I follow the news I can’t help but reflect that so many things are just the same all over the world.
I remember my grandmother telling me to always walk keeping my gaze downwards; to smile without showing my gums, and to keep my my mouth close or I’ll eat flies–difficult thing to do with swollen adenoids.
In fact, my grandma deemed me too pretty not to be morally deformed by it.
My naturally parted lips were obviously a cause for concern as was my sitting by the window in modern-days London, England, in a Georgian house belonging to a white upper-class Anglican family.
“Don’t you EVER make me catch you again sitting by the window looking out on the street. My, people will think we are running a brothel in here!”
So I can’t help but reflect:
Is Western society really that different from what we like to consider less-evolved ones?
Isn’t it time things changed? It is, after all, 2015….